Guinea Pigs Online Read online

  Guinea pigs of the world, unite!

  Against the baddies we will fight.

  Let’s stop the houses, save the thicket,

  Bite the builder, rip his socks!

  Guinea pigs of the world, unite!

  All the baddies we will fight.

  Sunbeam joined in. When they finished she smiled sweetly. “Oh, Eduardo,” she said, “that’s such a wonderful protest song. Can we sing it again?”

  “Of course, chiquita,” Eduardo smiled back, and they began the song all over again.

  Coco felt all sad inside because she had thought Eduardo was her special friend but now it looked like Sunbeam was his special friend. Sunbeam wasn’t Coco’s special friend; so it seemed that Sunbeam and Eduardo were both special to each other and she wasn’t special at all.

  She interrupted them singing. “Excuse me,” she said loudly, “but could you shut up?”

  Eduardo and Sunbeam stopped singing and looked at her.

  Coco didn’t feel right. She knew she wasn’t being very nice, but she couldn’t stop herself. “We have a protest to do. We can’t just stand around singing,” she said bossily.

  “But we are protesting,” argued Sunbeam. “We are singing Eduardo’s brilliant protest song.”

  “Ladies, ladies,” said Eduardo, “perhaps we could sing the song together.”

  “No, thanks. I’ve got more important things to do,” muttered Coco, and marched off on her own. “They’re so busy singing to each other they haven’t even noticed that no one else has showed up,” she said to herself grumpily.

  Coco was right. Where were all the guinea pigs who had promised to join the protest? She decided to go over to the main gate, which was the official way into the thicket from the street, and look for them.

  As she approached the gate she slowed down. Something was wrong. It was quiet. There was no one around. Not a human, not a guinea pig, not a mouse, not even a worm. Then she heard a little shuffling noise from the street. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.

  And in front of the gate appeared an elderly brown guinea pig with white whiskers.

  At last! A supporter for their protest! The guinea pig lowered his head to squeeze under the gate. Coco moved forward to help him, but before she had taken a step there was a sudden movement from the laurel bush. A large red furry beast leaped forward and lunged at the protester. It was the fox! So much for wanting to help! He was the same Renard, up to his old tricks. That was why nobody had made it to the protest. He must have scared them off.

  “Run! Run!” Coco cried. The elderly guinea pig looked startled and pulled back from the gate. Coco knew what would happen next. Renard would give up on catching him and try to catch her—again. She turned around and raced back to warn the others. All the jealousy she’d felt just a few minutes earlier had been forgotten. Guinea pigs had to stick together to fight the enemy, be it a fox or a digger. Or, in this case, both!

  5

  Digging In

  CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG! There was a roar from the other side of the main gate. The roar was followed by a horrible scraping sound.

  Coco froze. Renard the fox raced toward her, but instead of eating her, he went straight past and disappeared into the bushes.

  Then she knew for sure. The digger had returned!

  “Quick, Coco!” Fuzzy appeared and grabbed her paw. “We need to start the protest!”

  They scurried to where the other guinea pigs were waiting. Coco was relieved to see that there were a few more of them than before.

  “Cooee!” It was Banoffee. “I brought the kids for a day out! We thought we’d have a picnic.”

  The extra guinea pigs were all her children!

  “But, Banoffee,” Coco said, “this could be dangerous!”

  “Oh!” Banoffee looked confused.

  “No, Mom, it’ll be fine,” Terry reassured her. “As soon as the builder sees us standing up to him, he’ll back off.”

  “And then we can have our picnic!” Banoffee said cheerfully. “I brought bananas as a treat for when we win. They’re nice and soggy. With black spots on them.”

  Banoffee’s children all started squeaking with excitement at the prospect.

  Coco hoped Banoffee and Terry were right. Not about the bananas being soggy, although that would be good, but that the protest would be over quickly and the builder would go away.

  “Over here!” Eduardo and Sunbeam were hiding inside a thicket beside a mound of mud. The mound was taller than the guinea pigs and hidden from the builder’s view by the dense tangle of twigs, leaves, and grass.

  “I’ve never seen that here before.” Fuzzy scratched the crest on his head. “I didn’t know there were any mud hills in the thicket.”

  “Pah!” Eduardo said. “Call that a mud hill? You should see the mud mountains of Peru.”

  They could hear the sound of running water. It was coming from somewhere behind the mound of mud.

  “I’ve never heard that here before, either.” Fuzzy frowned. “I didn’t know there was a river in the thicket.”

  “Pah!” Eduardo said. “Call that a river? You should hear the giant rivers of the Andes. That is a stream.”

  “Shall we get on with it?” Coco said. “Or do you two want to argue about geography all day?”

  They peered through the dense undergrowth. The digger had come to a halt just inside the gate. The little round man in the cab of the digger was shouting on his phone again.

  “I’ll start at the back. Away from the houses. That way I’ll have cleared the trees before anyone notices. Everyone will be at work anyway.” The builder sniggered. “By the time they get back tonight, this place will be as flat as a pancake, and it’ll be too late for anyone to complain.”

  The guinea pigs chattered angrily. They knew how flat pancakes were—Fuzzy sometimes made them, sprinkled with a little fresh grass from the thicket. But if the builder got his way, there’d be no grass left in the thicket to sprinkle! There’d be no thickets, no laurel bushes, and no oak tree either. There wouldn’t be a mud hill, or a river. And Eduardo’s burrow would be a twisted pile of roots.

  The builder put his phone away. He got down out of his cab, pulled a map from his pocket, and started trudging around, crossing things out on the map with a pencil.

  “The only good thing about plants,” he chortled, “is digging them up!”

  “If only my bolas was working properly,” said Eduardo, shaking his fist, “I’d dig you up!”

  The builder wandered toward the guinea pigs’ hiding place. “Might as well start here!” he said, letting out an enormous burp. A horrible smell of half-digested sausage sandwich and stale tea wafted toward them.

  Coco nearly fainted.

  Sunbeam actually did. She keeled over on her back with her legs in the air.

  “She needs the kiss of life!” Eduardo sprang forward.

  Fuzzy tried to push in front of him. “I know first aid!” he said.

  Coco got there first. “There’s no need for any of that!” she squealed. “Banoffee, you stay with Sunbeam. The rest of you, come with me!”

  The guinea pigs squeezed out of the thicket.

  The builder had gotten back into the cab. He was revving the digger up.

  CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG! The machine roared.

  “Form a line!” Coco ordered.

  “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Fuzzy whispered. The digger looked even bigger than the ones on the Digger Channel.

  “Well, I don’t know, do I?” Coco said testily. “It was your idea.”

  “No, it wasn’t—it was Terry’s.”

  “Trust me,” Terry had joined them. He pulled his woolly hat down firmly. “As soon as he sees us, he’ll give up. I’ve seen it on TV.”

  “Yes, but that’s with people, not guinea pigs,” Fuzzy said nervously. “What if he doesn’t see us?”

  “Caramba, that thing is big!” Eduardo said.

  The digger lurched forward. The scoop began to descend.
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  “Maybe we need to jump up and down a bit,” Terry suggested. His skinny knees were knocking. “And wave.”

  The guinea pigs jumped up and down and waved.

  “It’s not making any difference!” Fuzzy gulped.

  The digger trundled toward them. The scoop was like a giant fox’s mouth waiting to gobble them up.

  “I’m out of here!” Terry yelped. “Come on, everyone!” He disappeared, followed by his brothers and sisters.

  “Me too!” Fuzzy scuttled off.

  “I need to get my bolas working!” Eduardo chased after Fuzzy into the thicket.

  Only Coco held her ground. Surely the builder would notice her beautiful new pink bow and scary spiky fur. And then surely he would stop the digger.

  Suddenly she felt a pair of paws around her middle.

  “You too, señorita!” Eduardo dragged her back into the undergrowth.

  The scoop munched its way through the tangled plants toward the mud hill.

  The guinea pigs covered their eyes. It was all over!

  CRUNCH! The scoop hit something hard.

  The digger juddered to a halt. The engine had stalled!

  From inside the cab, the builder shouted a lot of very rude words. Luckily the guinea pigs didn’t understand any of them. He got back on his phone.

  “The blasted thing’s jammed!” he shouted. “I’m going to have to go back to the scrapyard to get some parts.” He got down out of the cab and burped again. “And another sausage sandwich. With a fried egg on it this time. I’m starving!”

  6

  Olaf the Viking

  “By the might of Odin, it’s raining mud!” an angry voice shouted.

  All the guinea pigs hiding in the thicket looked around. The voice didn’t sound as if it had come from any of them.

  “By the wrath of Thor, I’m going to need a bath tonight!” came the voice.

  The guinea pigs looked around again. Everyone’s mouth was shut, except Banoffee’s youngest, who had a blocked nose.

  “By the teeth of Loki, I can’t see my feet!”

  This time the guinea pigs knew. The voice was coming from behind the mud hill. Eduardo was the first to move. “Leave this to me,” he said, as he scurried up the hill at great speed.

  When he got to the top he looked over the other side. What he saw was surprising: it was a light brown guinea pig with woolly fur and horns!

  The strange guinea pig started shouting again: “By the ant of Adam, stay right there, or I’ll slice you with my sword!”

  Eduardo looked at the weapon the guinea pig was swinging around in the air. It looked like a twig.

  “Hombre, I come in peace,” Eduardo shouted down. “I am an Agouti guinea pig from Peru. Who are you?”

  “I am a Viking guinea pig from the year 892,” the horned guinea pig shouted back.

  Caramba! That was old! Eduardo reckoned he could beat him in a fight, especially as the Viking only had a twig as a weapon.

  “What’s going on?” Coco shouted up.

  “I’m going down,” Eduardo said. “Stay there until I come get you.”

  Sunbeam had woken up. “Are you sure it’s safe?” she asked in a worried voice.

  “I’ll be fine,” said Eduardo bravely. He started to pick his way down the mud hill.

  “Stop!” shouted the Viking, panicking. “I’m stuck! If you move the earth, I’ll be buried alive!”

  “You will be OK, señor. I am Eduardo Julio Antonio del Monte. I live to free all guinea pigs everywhere, even to free Viking guinea pigs from the mud!” As he spoke, Eduardo slipped. “Oops!”

  “Now see what you’ve done!” The Viking let loose an angry chatter. The mud was falling all around him. Eduardo grabbed the Viking’s front paw as he slid to the bottom, and pulled him out of danger. They both landed in a heap. There was the sound of clapping. All the other guinea pigs had climbed up to the top of the mud hill to see what was going on. Sunbeam smiled and waved. Eduardo waved back at her. Coco looked annoyed.

  Eduardo let go of the Viking and they both brushed the mud from their fur as best they could.

  “And you are . . . ?” asked Eduardo again.

  “Muddy,” said the Viking, still grumpy.

  “Is that a Viking name?”

  “No, and it’s not my name either. I am Olaf the Ever-Ready.”

  “Olaf the Oven-Ready?” Eduardo looked the Viking up and down. “That’s a strange name for a guinea pig.”

  “Are you trying to be funny?” asked the Viking.

  Eduardo frowned.

  “It’s chickens who are oven-ready, Eduardo.” Coco slid down the mud hill on her bottom and waggled her paw at him. “Not guinea pigs.”

  The other guinea pigs slid down after her. Olaf looked around at the group and started counting them as if he were a teacher.

  “You’ve got horns,” squeaked Blossom, the youngest of Banoffee’s children.

  “That’s my helmet. It is made of iron, and it is from Norway.” Olaf turned away and marched off toward the stream. “Follow me.”

  He even sounded like a teacher. All of Banoffee’s children lined up in twos, as Banoffee had told them to do when they were out on school trips, and followed Olaf. Eduardo, Coco, Fuzzy, Banoffee, and Sunbeam trudged after them.

  “You were so brave,” whispered Sunbeam to Eduardo.

  “It is my duty, señorita. I would do the same for you!” said Eduardo, wiggling his bushy eyebrows.

  Coco looked annoyed again.

  Olaf walked along the bank of the stream.

  “Excuse me,” called Fuzzy from the back, “but I think you should know about the builder who’s trying to put houses on the thicket.”

  Olaf ignored him.

  “He caused the mudslide with his digger.”

  Olaf acted as if he hadn’t heard.

  “He might be back.”

  “If you have something to say, put your hand up.” Olaf stopped at an old wooden hutch. He waited for silence. “This is an original Viking hutch from the ninth century. Note the thatched roof and the mud walls.”

  They all stopped and looked at the hutch. It didn’t look very old. It looked like a twenty-first-century hutch with mud slapped on the walls and grass plonked on the roof.

  “Excuse me,” said Terry, who liked history almost as much as he liked computers, “but it looks a lot like my hutch. From this century. Only it’s dirtier. And it doesn’t have Wi-Fi.”

  Olaf carried on talking: “It is here in the Great Hall that the weapons, clothes, and jewelry are kept.” The visitors looked inside the hutch at a pile of twigs, colored rags, and bits of twisted metal.

  “Excuse me,” said Banoffee’s second youngest, Pepper, putting up her hand, “but are those things really more than a thousand years old? They don’t look it.”

  Olaf didn’t answer. He had marched off toward the stream. Everyone else followed. It was exactly like being on a school trip but without the packed lunch.

  “And this,” said Olaf proudly, “is my longship.”

  This time no one asked anything. They were all too amazed to speak. Floating on the water was a beautiful long wooden boat, with a dozen oars and a carved dragon at the helm.

  “I made it myself. Any questions?”

  Lots of hands went up. There were lots of questions. But none of the answers could be heard over a sudden and deafening noise from the other side of the mud hill. A sound that was very, very modern. The digger was back!

  7

  The Battle of the Thicket

  CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!

  “By the fur of Freya, what was that?” Olaf looked up in alarm.

  “It’s the digger!” Fuzzy cried. “I tried to warn you. It’s back!”

  “BBBUUUURRRRPPPP!”

  “And so is the builder, full of fried egg and sausage!” Eduardo held his nose. “Man, that guy stinks! You can smell him a mile away!” He fanned Sunbeam with his satchel.

  “Who is this one called Builder?” Ola
f demanded.

  “Fuzzy already told you!” Coco said impatiently. “This one called Builder is a builder. That’s why we call him it.”

  “It?” Olaf shouted. “I thought you said his name was Builder.”

  “It is Builder!”

  “It and Builder are the same person?” Olaf asked. “Why didn’t you say so?”

  “Er . . .” Coco was getting in a terrible muddle.

  “It doesn’t matter what he’s called,” Fuzzy said. “The point is, he wants to dig up the thicket and build houses on it. He’s got a digger. That’s how you got stuck in the mud.”

  “Best place for you,” Coco muttered. She was getting fed up with Olaf bossing everyone around and being clever and getting all the attention. That was her job normally. “One organized a protest on the Internet to stop him,” she boasted.

  “No, you didn’t! I organized the protest!” Terry objected.

  “I think you’ll find I did.” Eduardo’s eyebrows met in a frown.

  “I know not of this Internet of which you speak!” Olaf thundered. “But it is clearly no match for the mighty IT. We will have to use stronger weapons.”

  “Can we make our minds up, please?” Banoffee asked. “Only the kids will need feeding in about half an hour, and then I need to go home and do their hair.”

  “How about we write a new protest song instead of using weapons?” Sunbeam suggested, gazing at Eduardo.

  “A fat lot of good that’ll do!” Coco chattered.

  “I have an idea, amigos!” Eduardo cried. “I will swing through the air on a branch, land on the builder’s head, and eat his eyebrows!”

  “Eerrrggg!” Blossom squeaked.

  “Yuk!” said Pepper. “What if there’s fleas in them? One of my sisters had fleas once. Mom had to pick them out with her teeth.”

  Banoffee’s children all started arguing about which one of them had had fleas.